i have never ever felt this stupid before
this is just devastating. nicole ure useless

i guess my life all the way has been quite lucky
going to schools that i want, getting gd marks
what an illusion.
but now, now im in mcgill
life is telling me the truth
slapping me side to side, breaking the scenes and tell me the truth

nicole, ure just running away from the fact that ure not talented at all. ure stupid

i hate to be a complainer. whenever i read books or news,
there must be someone out who is worse than me
it makes me feel even worse, while im offered with all these resources, what did i get from it?
nthg. im so stupid and useless that i know nothing.
i wasted all these time and money.

waste.

pages after pages, hours after hours. i thought things are going into my brain
i was, honestly, pretty confident with what i know. i was able to explain and stuff
but why? why does it never show in exams?
am i always lieing to myself that i know stuff
my brain is so stuck. i dun get the logic here
what my mark tells me is, guess what nicole you know nothing
experiencing the most painful thing. "under average" aka "asian fail"
i tried, okay. i admit...maybe not HARD working. but i feel so defeated. its like i got stepped really hard
i did struggle. i cant believe. i really cant believe mcgill can make me feel that bad

its not because i am in mcgill but its me.
the ultimate origin of the problem is me.
why blame on other things

wusup with all those slacking, whats up with all those "oh i am going to be fine"
NICOLE WAKE UP. im stupid, i aint smart, i aint hardworking. im nthg
why am i self comforting? it will just bring me a step more away from reality and knowing who i am
what can i do? im so behind that i duno where to start from... im very discouraged right now

i wish there is a mirror. so i could see how bad i look
i wish someone could slap me in the face. and tell me how bad i am
i really really wish i could change the results. i dont even care if it is going to be harsh

i can take it.

i gota wake up. i gota wake. i am like living in a nightmare wanting to get up but i cant.
how? can someone tell me how...i cant live in this depression anymore

im really really depressed right now.
devastated
i have no hope. i hate school.

most importantly,
i hate myself.

sorry mom and dad, sorry for the people i let down
i really cant forgive myself.

im on the edge right now, i feel like giving up.
all my dreams are drifting away from me

this is my story. the loser life.
dreams will never come true
wt a failure



the end



dont worry. im gona get this over with soon.
i didnt type this for "cheer up" "ure gona be fine" "add oil"
i just wana let everyone know, please dont be me
trust me, the worst feeling on earth is being

regretful.

there is no turning back. do what you should do. believe in what you believe.
dont guard down because of temptation. its not worth it.
all those fun, chill, chat, hahas. will not make you smarter.


love nicole

i tested this last year and i read it again

女生

*個性深沉、有主見，不容易被他人左右想法
*心思細膩，脾氣溫和，不會輕易動怒，比較沉得住氣
*完全主義者，凡事要求盡善盡美
*會掩飾真實的一面，不容易被他人看透
*很有自我的個性，是個令人難以掌握的女孩子

女生

*個性穩定、行事作風保守的人
*有時候會太堅守原則，讓人覺得很難溝通
*重視家人，常常會以家人的意見為中心
*有恒心毅力，不會半途而廢
*個性較直來直往，很容易被看穿心事

 

i cant agree more. OMG